Burning burned bridges

I’ve written about this before, but it’s really sad that two people who were awesome friends at one point in history probably won’t ever speak to each other again. It’s even worse when the friendship ended for rather dubiously weak reasons.

Anyway, for some odd reason, I had an urge to try to start our friendship over again. Perhaps it’s because she’s been on my mind lately. Or how random things associated with her seem to keep coincidentially popping up. Or her best friend sending me an email that said she “missed having me around.”

After exchanging a few emails dealing with random science stuff, I asked her if she’d like to get together for lunch one day, just to talk, when I’m home for spring break. The response I received flat out rejected that idea, or even the idea of friendship. So much for trying to be mature and extend an olive branch. That makes one feel like crap. The tone of this email (as well as the initial email that set things in motion a year ago, or rather, killed them) and its negative message make it seem as if I did something to wrong her. Why is there so much animosity there? For no apparent reason too.

Regardless, the email this evening stated that “I am being direct and honest when I say that I have moved on in life.” Moved on from what exactly? Not to mention a recent email reply that said, “I’ve been thinking about you lately.” It just seems rather curious to claim to have moved on and want nothing to do with someone when still interested about the events going on in their life (i.e., consistently checking their webpage roughly once a week… according to site access logs). Because “moving on” somehow involves knowing what’s going on in my life. Whatever.

So however petty it may seem, I’ve decided to ban that IP address from this website. I think it’s better for both of us. Though I have no illusions that the ban is fairly easy to circumvent if one is dedicated enough, but it is peace of mind for me. And it helps her to actually move on. Of course it probably makes me look like a petty asshole, but I no longer care what her opinion of me is anymore. What’s the point?

After thinking about it for quite awhile tonight, I feel better though. I basically got the (final) answer I needed, and I guess I can move on myself, rather than still clinging to some false hope of trying to be on friendly terms again. It also solidifies my feelings and opinion of her, in an unfortunately negative way. Perhaps that makes it easier to forget someone. Perhaps that explains the animosity of her previous letters.